My Testimony of Jesus Christ

 I was a sinner in the worst ways and yet I didn’t even  know it. I was blind. There was a veil over my eyes.  I didn’t believe in sin or the fallenness of man through Adam and Eve; the supposed first disobedience to God. 

I thought all the bible was, was myths passed down from Jewish generation to generation and were, to put it bluntly, just plain fairytales. Not that I dislike fairytales, I like them very much but I believed the stories in the bible were only “tales” to scare us into doing the “right” thing. “Right” in my opinion, was relative. What was possibly right for you didn’t have to be right for me, and vice versa. 

 I was continually searching for God, but, not the mean and nasty “Holy Bible” God that started wars and made people hate one another. I was searching for the god of love that accepted everyone and everything, including everything about me and what I wanted. I searched in Church, I searched in people, I searched in books and eventually, I came across a book called Conversations With God by Neale Donald Walsh. Now this book fit with EVERYTHING I had EVER thought, it allowed me to believe that everything was of God. There was no such thing as “Original Sin” and everything I did was for Gods own experience, therefore completely and utterly acceptable. 

This is how far my depravity went. The belief that God accepts everything and everyone and not only that but; we are God. We need to rise up like Jesus and say “I am the Truth, the Life and the Way, Follow me.” (That is one of the many parts of scripture that Neale Donald Walsh has changed to suit his own purposes.) This book taught me that Jesus was a great guy, the best example of humanity to date on having “communion with God” and we were supposed to emulate that. 

So with all this "truth" what happened? What was the problem? I was free to stand up and declare that I was the truth, and the way, and I can do whatever I want and people should follow me in doing whatever they want… So what could have been the problem? 

Freedom was awesome… I drank, did drugs, participated in sexual immorality ,I  swore, I stole, I practiced astrology and witchcraft, I acted most of the time out of jealousy, I created contention aka drama, I manipulated people, situations and even my own view of love, and I did all these things out of selfish ambition, to get what “I” wanted. The best part was that I had the freewill to be self-righteous and all knowing, in all of the above, as pride capped the ice burg of my so called freedom.

That "freedom" turned into more and more bondage and as time went on and I became more and more lost. I hurt people and I hurt myself and I damaged many relationships past the point of repair. I finally found myself where depravity always leads; alone. 

 But alone is just where God wanted me. He had His own plans for my life, I just didn’t know it yet. 

 One day (over 10years later) I looked at myself and my surroundings and I thought; this is NOT what I would picture God to be like. This is NOT what I expect love to be. How is it that I’ve come down this far of a spiral? I have tried creating the reality I’ve always wanted, I blindly and foolishly believed I was creating everything I had ever hoped for. I had tried to do things all on my own and NOTHING I have ever done has turned out the way I WANT! What am I missing??

 That’s when the hardness of my heart started to crack and then one night, God woke me up... Literally.

 

Out of a deep sleep, I arose and I walked into my friend’s living room and I was just standing there, it was still dark out and I started to look around and wonder “what am I doing out here?” Then I looked at the digital clock on their cable box and it was 3:16am and the verse came flooding into my memory as clear as day;

 “For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him, shall not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16

“NO WAY” I thought and I ran back into my friend’s room where I had previously been sleeping. I got up onto the bed and actually walked over her, sound asleep to get to my iPhone and I frantically googled John 3:16 and sure enough, that was the verse that had come flooding into my mind.

That’s when truth really started to shine its glorious light. I started reading the bible off of an iPad that I had won at work and I read this verse; Jesus told him, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me. John 14:6… another crack in my heart of stone… I was lied to by Neale Donald Walsh, Jesus didn’t say follow me-- He said no one comes to the Father except through me… That means no one can get to God except through Jesus. How was this possible? Was I really lied to? This didn’t make sense. 
 

Now all of this “truth” came at what I thought was the wrong time: I was supposed to be ushering in the New Age, I was supposed to be consciously vibrating at higher and higher levels, coming into what some New Ageist’s call; Christ Consciousness. 

Yet instead, the more I looked around at my actual reality and the more that God's Truth (His Word) penetrated my worldly thinking, the more I began to realize; I had truly been deceived. This is when I finally let my gaurd down and believed I was the sinner God saw of me and I needed Jesus. I finally got over my stupid pride of "what will people think" and "I was right" and I realized I was actually wrong, foolish and I didn't care anymore what people thought and I put my faith and trust into my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. I have never looked back.

I now call New Ageism what it is; the beautiful lie. It is so close to God’s truth that it is easily believed and it “feels right" but as God has taught me since my conversion, "feelings aren't the barometer for life, and more often then not; they lead us completely astray."

Neale Donald Walsh and New Ageism has a lot of it right, as with every lie, they have partial truths to make them believable but Neale and most New Agers missed the most important part making them false prophets; a person or people that lead souls away from God’s Truth. I used to be a false prophet. I am gravely sorry for all the people I have led away from Gods truth. I know Jesus died for that sin among all others, however, to denounce our past frees us for our future.

  

The part that I had missed-- I was now coming face to face with and had to admit, I was what God sees, a sinner in desperate need of a saviour. (When the Holy Spirit comes, He convicts the world of sin, and only then do we see the reality of who we are to a Holy God)

I loved drinking, smoking, sexual immorality, manipulation, ect. I loved the very things that proved that I was a sinner and that kept me blind, deaf and dumb, and without a relationship with God. 

Sin is the problem. It is the main issue and the reason why there are negative experiences and evils in the world and we can’t “create our own realities” so that we get precisely what we want. Wanting for our own benefit is a sin in itself and one I would call the worst sin; Pride. It is the worst offender of all because pride deceives us into thinking “We know” or “I have it all figured out” “ I don’t need help” “I can do it on my own” Pride is selfish, and God is anything but selfish. 

Sin separates us from God and therefore, fundamentally, we are flawed. Our wants and desires are flawed, our hearts are flawed, our dreams are flawed. They are all against the very nature of our Creator. From the time we are born into this world until we perish, we are in every way shape and form lacking. The only thing that can make us whole is Christ. Not Christ consciousness or the creating of our own realities, but Christ alone. Why is that?

Here is what God showed me; FOR ALL HAVE SINNED AND FALL SHORT OF THE GLORY OF GOD. Romans 3:23

This verse got me thinking. The Glory of God is what? Love? Heaven? Creation? All of the above?! Then I thought about heaven for a long time. Heaven is supposed to be where we spend eternity. Where we go after our bodies perish here on earth. It is where we, in spirit form, will live forever. Heaven is going to be perfect. 

Deep down we all want to believe we are going to heaven, but how do we know? How do we get there?! Are we automatically invited when we die? My depraved thinking lead me to believe that if God loved us, we would ALL go to heaven. 

But then I came to this truth; to be in heaven I have to be perfect because heaven is perfect.

Wait, how can I be perfect if here on earth, I am so flawed? Do I automatically become perfect at the point of death? There has to be an answer to all of this; and in fact there is. In God’s word. God gave us His Word to tell us His Truth. He used the Jewish people to bring us His word and law through what we now call the Holy Bible and then He sent Jesus, the incarnate Word, to reiterate the Word of God in flesh. 

The Word became flesh and made His dwelling among us. We have seen His glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth. John 1:14

Well, now this answered on a physical level, what God’s glory was. God’s Glory is Jesus. Jesus lived on this earth and because He and the Father are one, He never sinned and by believing that God sent His Son to die for my sins, I would get to be perfect aka righteous in God's eyes. Jesus would cover me in His righteousness and perfection. 

Jesus was the perfect one and no matter how much I stood up and said; “I am the truth the life and the way, follow me.” I was never going to be perfect. No matter how much I believed the deception, or acted like "I knew the way” I was a miserable replica and I fell short. Everytime. 

And so did all those around me that thought they were “creating their own realities” as well. Not one of them was perfect, no matter how much they thought they were or how enlightened they fooled themselves into believing they were. They also fell short. 

I had once believed that if they were enlightened beings, capable of great, unconditional love, they never would have left me when I was at my worst. They would have stayed and been the true unconditional love that I was searching for all my life. But men pale in comparison to God’s love and light. 

God already did it all for me. I didn’t have to be perfect, Jesus already was. I didn’t have to go to God, God came to us through His Son, seeking our relationship. This is why Jesus is the only way.

God is Good, and I don’t know about you, but goodness to me is-- Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, order and self-control. Give or take a few qualities.  

That means that God is NOT the opposite of good; hate, killjoy, unrest, impatience, unkindness, pain, harshness or full of debauchery and chaos.

God is SO good that He sent His one and only Son to die for us to take the penalty of all of the evil and darkness inside of us. But why does there have to be a penalty? Why does there have to be a sacrifice at all? Why doesn’t God just automatically forgive?! This question was also one that has always plagued me and Gods Word of course answered.
 

 All throughout Jewish History there was sacrifice of blood for sins. All throughout the whole Old Testament is story after story showing Gods character in the forgiving of sin through blood sacrifice. The sacrifice had to be the most perfect animal (goat, sheep, ect) that one could find. Even from the beginning of mankind, God shows that blood is our life source, when the blood of murdered Able cried out to him from the ground. He shows that there must be the shedding of blood, for the forgiveness of sins. So that is why Jesus is also called the Lamb of God. He was the perfect blood sacrifice for all of humanity.

Not only did Jesus die as the perfect blood sacrifice, taking the penalty of our sins and shame upon his shoulders...

Jesus not only took the penalty He also rose from the dead 3 days later. That power, His resurrection proved once and for all that God died for us as the perfect sacrifice and rose again, defeating death, proving that all the powers of earth and hell could not stop the creator of universe and the love he has for his creation; his people. This was the only way to save the creation He had made from seperation and depravity. 

This is a tremendous reality; God has defeated death and by doing so, through Jesus, has invited us into his very near presence. We now truly have communion with God, where sin is truly defeated. That is the power of Jesus Christ. That is good news.

 

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. Galatians 2:20

Ever since God called me out of darkness (the not knowing, caring, or understanding of His sacrifice) and into his marvelous light; I have been totally in awe of Him. He chased me and didn’t give up. He knew every hair on my head and he used all of creation to tell me the greatest love story of all. His story.

I have now been “Born Again”

So what does being born again mean?

It means I have been born of Spirit, born first in the flesh and now born again of the Spirit.

Now there was a Pharisee, a man named Nicodemus who was a member of the Jewish ruling council.  He came to Jesus at night and said, “Rabbi, we know that you are a teacher who has come from God. For no one could perform the signs you are doing if God were not with him.”

Jesus replied, “Very truly I tell you, no one can see the kingdom of God unless they are born again.”

“How can someone be born when they are old?” Nicodemus asked. “Surely they cannot enter a second time into their mother’s womb to be born!”

Jesus answered, “Very truly I tell you, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless they are born of water and the Spirit. Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit. You should not be surprised at my saying, ‘You must be born again.’ The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit.” John 3:1-8

He loves us with an everlasting love and I am grateful beyond words that I have been saved by grace, through faith. All it takes is the faith of a mustard seed and you can move mountains. (Matt 17:20) All we need do is believe in Jesus the Christ and what He did at Calvary. True belief spurs a love that is immeasurable and greatly respected. He has torn the veil between us and our Creator. He is making all things new!

“Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” –Jesus (Matthew 11:29,30)