I have failed at this thing called life, one too many times. I have made mistake after mistake and I have abdicated myself and my God over and over so as not to offend, or hurt others.
By doing this... I have stopped a natural process of life called the Law of Cause and Affect. Or reaping and sowing. Galatians 6:7 Do not be deceived; God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.
I'm what psychology calls a codependent person. I'm what God sees as a person who lacks boundaries. This is due to not growing up in a home that served the Lord, or established healthy boundaries. In fact, I was shown very unhealthy boundaries and when I would try to set boundaries, I was rejected in love, for them.
Now, every relationship I've been in, I've allowed people who also have no boundaries, to do and say as they please to me, or around me so that my greatest fear will not come true; being rejected in love and relationship as I was, over and over in my childhood.There are two distinct types of codependents, the kind that allow pretty much anything to keep relationships, and the kind that try to control everything in said relationships. I was/am an "allow-er". The types that are usually in my life are "controllers".
Now that I am a Christian, the Lord is allowing me experiences to learn how to do just that; set healthy boundaries. He is not just allowing, He is requiring that I do. He is showing me, that by being in relationship with Him, that when He sets boundaries, they are for my utmost good although, they have been some of the hardest things I've had to come to terms with and see inside myself, but I'm up for it. I believe that God is calling me to a higher form of righteousness with all of my heart, soul, mind and strength and He called me even in the midst of selfishness and turning my back on Him at the beginning of this summer, He refused to let me go. However, he had to teach me a few things. There were consequences I've had to face for the actions I've taken. I've had to reap, what I've sown. Hebrews 12:6 For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and he punishes every son he accepts.
That's how much He loves me. That's how much He loves all of us. Romans 5:8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
This part of my life is changing. It's changing from a codependent person, to a person with healthy boundaries. Galatians 6:8-9 Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.
I admit, I wanted to give up. I wanted to go back to wallowing in the mud. I almost did. Fleshly desires started to come up, and I didn't understand the boundaries I needed, to stop myself from partaking in them. for partaking in sin.
I am now learning strong boundaries by the very God that saved me a year and a half ago out of the muck and the mire, the mud of this fallen life. He saved me, a sinner and a rebel against the very nature of God.
Those parts of my nature didn't just disappear but by His refinement and discipline against my sin, and me repenting and turning from that sin, to Christ. I not only get the opportunity to be more and more Christ-like, I also get the opportunity to walk with the Lord in a very intimate relationship with Him. I am becoming more and more like His Son, through healthy God ordained boundaries and it's the greatest gift I've ever received in my life. The free gift of Salvation.
No one shows greater love than when he lays down his life for his friends. John 15:13 This is what I am being shown to do. I am laying down my own life, my ways of doing things, my unhealthy boundaries and I am picking up my Cross. I am picking it up daily to be with my King and Saviour and I'm doing this for my friends, the ones I was so afraid to offend and or hurt. I am now not afraid, nor lack the strength to stand up for the boundaries I need so as to say no to sin.
I get the discernment that God isn't expecting me to be perfect right here right now... that wouldn't be merciful and God is merciful to degrees only I can imagine. I do however, know he is calling me to a higher form of righteousness and He's giving me all the knowledge and strength to do it.
A few examples I've learned are this. There is the Law of Gravity and people can interfere with that law, as in a glass is balancing on a table and it starts to fall, instead of the glass breaking into pieces all over the floor, one can catch it, therefore interrupting the Law of Gravity.
What I have been doing, is I have been interrupting the Law of Cause and Effect, aka Sowing and Reaping for the friends and loved ones in my life. I allow things, like psychological abuse, and illegal activity, and I have been heavily yoked to unbelievers. In the past I haven't stood up to things like this or created strong boundaries against them, and I have suffered and fallen into sin, due to the tolerance of these things.
This will not be the case, anymore. I will not abdicate my walk with God, in tolerance to sin. The Lord is showing me His ways.
"Today we call a person who continually rescues another person a codependent. In effect, the codependent, boundary-less people "co-sign the note" of life for the irresponsible person. Then they end up paying the bills-- physically, emotionally, and spiritually-- and the spendthrift continues out of control with no consequences. The irresponsible person continues to be loved, pampered and treated nicely.
Establishing boundaries helps codependent people stop interrupting the Law of Sowing and Reaping in their loved ones life. Boundaries force the person doing the sowing to also do the reaping."
When I read those few sentences from the book Boundaries, a must read for anyone by the two Christian authors Dr Henry Cloud and Dr John Townsend, I started to weep. I fell down to my knees and I repented of the grave mistake I kept making over and over. I finally understood how my being a codependent was hurting others. It was stunting any natural growth due to the fact that the people I had been "helping" all these years, I wasn't really helping at all. In fact, I was hindering them in massive ways, and I was paying for the consequences of their actions due to this.
I am now realizing that I am responsible for my life and sowing and reaping from my decisions and actions and everyone else is responsible for their lives and sowing and reaping from their decisions and actions and that establishing healthy boundaries is the key to true friendships in the Lord. The people who don't accept my/Gods boundaries, are probably those that also have codependent/boundary-less tendency's (either allow-er's or controllers) as well and I will pray that God opens their eyes and hearts like He continues to do for me.
Irresponsible actions should cause discomfort that motivates us to become more responsible.
This is not something I am going to be able to master in just a few days. It's going to take time and God's strength and experience for me to fully understand the weight of establishing boundaries, and it's going to take help and support from the people God has placed in my life, but I am up for it. My relationship with God and walk with Christ Jesus depends on it and I will not give up doing good, just before the proper time.
Thank you, Lord of my life, for never letting me go, and for loving me through healthy boundaries and the Laws you've established for your people. Thank you for sending your Son to us, to fulfill these Laws, so that I am able to have them sown into my heart. Thank you, for showing me your ways, as they are above my ways. I once was blind in this, but now I see. In the name of your Holy Son, Jesus, I praise you. Amen.
By doing this... I have stopped a natural process of life called the Law of Cause and Affect. Or reaping and sowing. Galatians 6:7 Do not be deceived; God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.
I'm what psychology calls a codependent person. I'm what God sees as a person who lacks boundaries. This is due to not growing up in a home that served the Lord, or established healthy boundaries. In fact, I was shown very unhealthy boundaries and when I would try to set boundaries, I was rejected in love, for them.
Now, every relationship I've been in, I've allowed people who also have no boundaries, to do and say as they please to me, or around me so that my greatest fear will not come true; being rejected in love and relationship as I was, over and over in my childhood.There are two distinct types of codependents, the kind that allow pretty much anything to keep relationships, and the kind that try to control everything in said relationships. I was/am an "allow-er". The types that are usually in my life are "controllers".
Now that I am a Christian, the Lord is allowing me experiences to learn how to do just that; set healthy boundaries. He is not just allowing, He is requiring that I do. He is showing me, that by being in relationship with Him, that when He sets boundaries, they are for my utmost good although, they have been some of the hardest things I've had to come to terms with and see inside myself, but I'm up for it. I believe that God is calling me to a higher form of righteousness with all of my heart, soul, mind and strength and He called me even in the midst of selfishness and turning my back on Him at the beginning of this summer, He refused to let me go. However, he had to teach me a few things. There were consequences I've had to face for the actions I've taken. I've had to reap, what I've sown. Hebrews 12:6 For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and he punishes every son he accepts.
That's how much He loves me. That's how much He loves all of us. Romans 5:8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
This part of my life is changing. It's changing from a codependent person, to a person with healthy boundaries. Galatians 6:8-9 Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.
I admit, I wanted to give up. I wanted to go back to wallowing in the mud. I almost did. Fleshly desires started to come up, and I didn't understand the boundaries I needed, to stop myself from partaking in them. for partaking in sin.
I am now learning strong boundaries by the very God that saved me a year and a half ago out of the muck and the mire, the mud of this fallen life. He saved me, a sinner and a rebel against the very nature of God.
Those parts of my nature didn't just disappear but by His refinement and discipline against my sin, and me repenting and turning from that sin, to Christ. I not only get the opportunity to be more and more Christ-like, I also get the opportunity to walk with the Lord in a very intimate relationship with Him. I am becoming more and more like His Son, through healthy God ordained boundaries and it's the greatest gift I've ever received in my life. The free gift of Salvation.
No one shows greater love than when he lays down his life for his friends. John 15:13 This is what I am being shown to do. I am laying down my own life, my ways of doing things, my unhealthy boundaries and I am picking up my Cross. I am picking it up daily to be with my King and Saviour and I'm doing this for my friends, the ones I was so afraid to offend and or hurt. I am now not afraid, nor lack the strength to stand up for the boundaries I need so as to say no to sin.
I get the discernment that God isn't expecting me to be perfect right here right now... that wouldn't be merciful and God is merciful to degrees only I can imagine. I do however, know he is calling me to a higher form of righteousness and He's giving me all the knowledge and strength to do it.
A few examples I've learned are this. There is the Law of Gravity and people can interfere with that law, as in a glass is balancing on a table and it starts to fall, instead of the glass breaking into pieces all over the floor, one can catch it, therefore interrupting the Law of Gravity.
What I have been doing, is I have been interrupting the Law of Cause and Effect, aka Sowing and Reaping for the friends and loved ones in my life. I allow things, like psychological abuse, and illegal activity, and I have been heavily yoked to unbelievers. In the past I haven't stood up to things like this or created strong boundaries against them, and I have suffered and fallen into sin, due to the tolerance of these things.
This will not be the case, anymore. I will not abdicate my walk with God, in tolerance to sin. The Lord is showing me His ways.
"Today we call a person who continually rescues another person a codependent. In effect, the codependent, boundary-less people "co-sign the note" of life for the irresponsible person. Then they end up paying the bills-- physically, emotionally, and spiritually-- and the spendthrift continues out of control with no consequences. The irresponsible person continues to be loved, pampered and treated nicely.
Establishing boundaries helps codependent people stop interrupting the Law of Sowing and Reaping in their loved ones life. Boundaries force the person doing the sowing to also do the reaping."
When I read those few sentences from the book Boundaries, a must read for anyone by the two Christian authors Dr Henry Cloud and Dr John Townsend, I started to weep. I fell down to my knees and I repented of the grave mistake I kept making over and over. I finally understood how my being a codependent was hurting others. It was stunting any natural growth due to the fact that the people I had been "helping" all these years, I wasn't really helping at all. In fact, I was hindering them in massive ways, and I was paying for the consequences of their actions due to this.
I am now realizing that I am responsible for my life and sowing and reaping from my decisions and actions and everyone else is responsible for their lives and sowing and reaping from their decisions and actions and that establishing healthy boundaries is the key to true friendships in the Lord. The people who don't accept my/Gods boundaries, are probably those that also have codependent/boundary-less tendency's (either allow-er's or controllers) as well and I will pray that God opens their eyes and hearts like He continues to do for me.
Irresponsible actions should cause discomfort that motivates us to become more responsible.
This is not something I am going to be able to master in just a few days. It's going to take time and God's strength and experience for me to fully understand the weight of establishing boundaries, and it's going to take help and support from the people God has placed in my life, but I am up for it. My relationship with God and walk with Christ Jesus depends on it and I will not give up doing good, just before the proper time.
Thank you, Lord of my life, for never letting me go, and for loving me through healthy boundaries and the Laws you've established for your people. Thank you for sending your Son to us, to fulfill these Laws, so that I am able to have them sown into my heart. Thank you, for showing me your ways, as they are above my ways. I once was blind in this, but now I see. In the name of your Holy Son, Jesus, I praise you. Amen.
3 comments:
Beautiful, well written and powerful!
Push forward Annie
Annie I have the same problem with boundaries, but be encouraged, our God is so full of mercy and grace, he will not leave us there!I absolutely love the comment about a man needing to seek God to find a women's heart Amen to that!
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